Last thing I knew, was that I was standing at my balcony. Minding my business. Cigarrette half-smoked, and it was raining. An amazing day to be lying down on my couch and laughing my ass off, in my opinion. On the other hand, I opted to finish my smoke and get ready for work.
I headed into my small yet cozy apartment. A nice home theatre system leaning against one wall while the opposite stood a comfortable yet old couch I had for quite sometime. I sat myself down to get my shoes tied.
Lights out. Power surge, I guess. Wait, that can't be it. Neighbour's still playing his shitty music. Checked things out on the balcony. Rain got a little heavier. So did my head. Leaned on the balcony to get my footing right. The last thing I heard, was this loud thump coming from the back of my head and the sound of a crack ripping through ice.
Woke up. Found my body lying down on concrete, 16 floors below my apartment. A man in black was taking pictures of my body. I saw Mum. From the looks of it, she couldn't stop crying.
What the hell just happened?
I feel so hopeless. Like there's nothing that I can do to make a change. All I do is cook, and cook and cook.
What's there to love? It doesn't make my day, so what does?
I need to start rethinking all of these things.
A colleague asked me just the other day, about how long it's been since I've gone for Friday prayers. I told him, the last time I went was in Standard 6. He told me, I was already a "murtad". I couldn't deny it.
What I actually thought about it was, what's the point in denying it or accepting it? I started losing faith in secondary school. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't hold on to any account, of being religious from the start. I remember learning how to "sembahyang" at the suprising age of 9. Suprising because every other muslim kid had already knew how to pray at the time.
I was so eager to pray so that I would fit in. In the end, I finally could pray with the my other muslim friends. Then it hit me, what was the point of me learning to pray? Was it just to "click" with my fellow muslim colleagues or was it to show my devotion to god? I knew it was just to fit in. From that moment on, I knew I was born into being an individual not attached to any sort of religion. I didn't feel ashamed of my current state. People would speak of it, and I would just turn a leaf over it.
In secondary school, I was confronted by one of the "ustazahs". She asked me why I wasn't praying during the "Zohor" period. I asked, "Do I have to?" She replied angrily that I should because I was a Muslim. I asked her a 2nd question, "Am I?" She gave me a cold stare and I continued back to my books. It was then, that I knew how unattached I was to being commited to a religion.
Not long after that, I casted off my faith into a black hole, not wanting it back as it would only cause confusion among others. Oh, don't get me wrong, I do believe in God the Almighty, I just don't hold onto any religion of sort, but of course, when people ask me, I just say I'm a Muslim. What I'm really saying is, "I'm sorry, I don't follow any religion."
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate any religion, in fact, I'm very much interested when it comes to studying any sort of religion but I just don't want to be a follower.
Though, I am afraid that it'll disappoint my mum one day that I might convert for love. At that exact moment, when it happens, I would know that I've left everything behind me.
Does anyone understand what I'm talking about?
I think "we" should accept the fact that it'll come sooner or later. Afterall, there's no such thing as immortality. I acknowledge that he is indeed very old. So, speaking of the word can only be logical.
It's time to face it.
not sure? here.
My mum doesn't know this but I actually don't like working in the kitchen. As much as I gloat about being in the kitchen is great and what not, I don't actually feel that way. For me, I've always wanted something that could me up on the map, no, not being a celebrity or whatever you may call it.
I've always wanted to lend a helping hand in humanitarian/environmental work. I've always dreamt of joining the likes of NGC, WWF, DC, UNICEF. I've always wanted to make a difference in whatever I do. As I've started working here, I can't really say that I hate working here or I don't like it. I don't like the things we do in the kitchen.
Such wastages going down the drain of proportional sizes. Sometimes, things like throwing away salads, I don't do since I just hate looking at it going into the bin. Of course, I keep my mouth shut knowing what's good for me.
Ah, whatever it is, as soon as I finish my 2 years here, I'm heading off into my journalism and into the world of writing. Photography, Writing articles, MAKING A CHANGE. That's what I want. *smacks* FUCK. damn mosquitoes.
I've noticed, that ever since I got the laptop here, I've been less productive. I mean, having the laptop here isn't much of a problem. I used to walk around the town like everyday, be it my off day or not.
Now, it seems I only stare at my laptop screen for hours, doing things I'm less concerned about. Of course, I've had the ability to watch my dramas now without complaining. Apart from that, it's just listening to music, 4chan-ing, wow-ing, and chatting. I think I prefered my life before the laptop came along. Though I wasn't in contact with many during the time, I felt like I was better off that way. Maybe I was just made that way. To enjoy the silence of not having companions to speak to, etc. Hence, my productivity rate has gone down albeit not much.
I go to work, and it's literally the same. It's work. It won't differ much on other days but I've noticed that I've started getting a bit lazy. Like making my subordinate do most of the work, while I just supervise. It could be a reason as I've been promised to be given a move to a different kitchen but it has yet to go through. I guess, I shouldn't complain if I know what's good for me. I'm not making any sense am I? Oh well, I guess I'll be the only one to understand what I write.
Good day people. I'll be attempting to write an article on the restaurant I'm working at. See you around. =)
Annyeong. I've been playing this video practically the whole day. Watch and maybe you'll find out why I've been repeating it.
On the contrary, I'm not feeling too well. Started off the day with the sniffles and a headache. What a way to start my off days. On another note, I need to get my typhoid injection before the hotel starts making noise.
I'm feeling sleepy already. Going off. ;)
Annyeong.
